Crying My Eyes Out

I’d like to start this post out with an apology for the break in writing. I was in Chicago with a couple great friends for, what, six days? It all went way too fast and I cherished every moment of it, even the somewhat stressful driving mishaps. I loved it so much that if you’re thinking about writing a book about vacation just talk to me: I’ll have the perfect example for you. It was simply amazing. I’ll talk about the music that we got to enjoy and fit in some anecdotes and whatever else wriggles its way in between the lines in the “Treat Your Ears Kindly, Too” section when I get all the silly technical kinks worked out.

But what sticks out in my mind most right now is my late grandmother Berneice Todd. She was and will be the most wonderful person/angel I know. You can ask any one of my cousins, aunts, uncles or most the town of Alliance, and they’d say the same thing: she was a joy to know in every way.

I had been worrying myself over the past month or two, thinking that I didn’t have the ability to cry anymore. Nothing seemed to have much of an impact on me. I felt that I was becoming incredibly disillusioned. Even the most painful things, like the growing rift between my mom and my dad in their divorce disputes, didn’t set off that very natural reaction.

But this evening, as I was packing things into a box, readying them for the big move to the new house, I came upon a booklet of printed e-mails. Grammy BC, as we fondly call her, passed away in January of 2005 and although it wasn’t sudden, the seemingly empty space she left behind was felt strongly immediately afterward by all of us in the family.

Always thoughtful, my cousin Jason orchestrated this exchange of e-mails dedicated to the memories that had stuck with us. I balled reading through everyone’s tonight. I don’t know now how I could’ve forgotten how much of an effect the loss of Grammy had had on me. There seems to be a great deal of mental haze between me now and me then.

However, I found the bridge to the center of what it means to be truly happy and to love when I was reminded of her. I’m finding myself now searching for the right words because there is no way that I can do justice describing how she influenced me. I just know that I’ll be forever grateful for having such a lovely lady as Grammy in my life, and I hope to be half the person that she was.

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Published in: on July 24, 2008 at 1:53 am  Leave a Comment  

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