Where is My Volvo, NPR?

According to the… according to… umm…

(You’d better not be out at the beach again, Google. I know, I know. You need some color. But I need a reputable source for my write-up on why I like public radio. I don’t want to appear to be a bad journalist, because I’m not, you see? What’s that? You think blogging is as far away from journalism as Newt Gingrich is from Beyonce Knowles because of that restraining order that was kept secret until now? Why I oughta knock both those o’s right outcha name! But I’ll just put a restraining order on myself. I’ve still got some hope for you yet. So I’ll wait for you. Do-to-do-to-do. Just waiting patiently, here with my real newspapers and magazines. 0.14 seconds later: Well, well, well. You’re back already? What can you give me?)

According to “The Listeners of National Public Radio” by Brooke Gladstone, [public radio listeners] are 173 percent more likely to buy a Volvo and 310 percent more likely to read The Sunday Times. I am planning on doing neither. First of all, I don’t have enough money to buy a 1971 Ford Pinto, and secondly, the Alliance Times doesn’t have enough money to print a Sunday paper.

I do share some of the other typical traits possessed by someone obsessed with Peter Segal or Carl Kasell of “Wait Wait… Don’t Tell Me”. I’m on the fence when it comes to choosing between those two, but this next couple of sentences describes me to a T. “[Public radio listeners] are more curious than average, more eager to spend time in other countries. Thirty percent of NPR News listeners are more likely to want to, quote, ‘understand how the world works.'”

So as you can tell by now, I’m not the least bit ashamed when some friends and I are greeted by Ira Glass from “This American Life” mid-sentence and on high volume when I turn the key in the ignition. I love to keep up on the news and am a firm believer in those studies that claim that classical music makes you smarter.

If you have been searching for clerical errors in this post, sipping on white wine, or remotely starting that Volvo from your office, you’re 100% more likely to enjoy public radio if you don’t already. So set your radio preset, tune in, and relax to the mellifluous voices of Robert Siegel, Terri Gross, Scott Simon, or anyone else for that matter. You’ll be calling in to donate in no time.

Published in: on July 13, 2008 at 2:28 am  Leave a Comment  

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